without hesitation or remorse

February 04, 2013

I miss my cats.
I miss their ticklish toes and the soft spot behind their ears.
I miss my hand on their bellies, kneading the fur between my fingers and listening to their blissful purrs.
I miss the way they smelled of rain and warmth and some place more home than home itself.
I miss the way they knew when i was sad and curled up on my lap, my chest, my stomach.
I miss surrendering the entirety of my bed to something a tenth of my size.
I miss the way i could make them yawn by gently rubbing the bridge of their nose.
I miss their markings and the colour of the pads on their paws, all the same, yet completely distinct.
I miss their voices, obnoxious and sweet.
I miss them, my four.

I hate that i no longer have any scratch marks to prove they were mine.
I hate that our house feels so empty but not empty at all.
I hate that it feels so normal now but that i still watch my footing in the dark.
I hate that i still find their fur on my clothes and soon that will end.
I miss my cats and i'm not dealing so well with that tonight.
Forgive me.
But i miss them.
My four.



Listening to: Shores 'Something in the Way (Nirvana cover)'
Emily Boyd said...

Me too. :( I miss the fact that right now I'm sitting at the kitchen table and Pepper isn't parading up and downs its surface, walking over my arms and getting in the way. I miss that you had to blow on his tail to get him to turn round with that lovely chirrup before scenting any part of you that was closest before inevitably sleeping between my typing arms.

I even miss Misty screaming for me to get up in the morning and feed her and give her a cuddle. Dizzy being wrapped around the door jam fast asleep but always aware and Gilly looking guilty half way up the door jam looking for the easiest way down.

We all miss them, and it's harder some days than others, and there's nothing wrong with that or that needs forgiveness. They were in our lives for almost as long as you've been in mine. They were family and they are and will always be greatly miss.

xxxx

Louise Boyd said...

I know, and i know you miss them too. I just really needed a cuddle from one of my little maniacs last night.
I'd never really thought of you knowing them almost as long as i've been around. They always seemed so new.

Ugh, i miss my flying squirrel :(

© midnight hagette. Design by FCD.